Chapter Twenty Eight: Reconciliations
Florence sat alone on the grass by the lake. Although OWLs were over, she was looking at an Arithmancy text for fun.
Severus approached her and sat down on the grass, nearby but keeping his distance. He didn't expect his presence to be welcome.
"Anderson?" he said, when he waited for a few moments and she didn't seem to notice he was there.
She looked up, startled, and then her hand went to her wand. It was not an uncommon reaction to being approached by the Slytherin enforcer. He held his hands out, obviously empty, then slowly lowered them to his knees in plain sight.
"What is it?" she asked, and although the words were almost rude in their terseness, her tone was matter-of-fact.
"I owe you an apology," said the Slytherin, face impassive.
"I'm still not going to let you snog me," the girl stated calmly, looking back down at her book.
"I didn't expect you to," he said. "Nevertheless, I insulted you when we broke up and therefore an apology is required."
Florence looked up at him again, her curiosity evident. "Who's making you do this?" she asked.
Severus grimaced, annoyed by the Ravenclaw's guileless candor. "It is a condition of regaining Lily Evans' friendship," he said tensely. "It is also the right thing to do."
"Two good reasons," she noted, and put her book down. "What about Bertha Jorkins?"
Severus scowled at her. "Surely you are aware I have already apologized for that lapse?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized that if anyone could have missed a public apology at dinner, it would be a Ravenclaw. Especially one like Florence.
"That's not what I meant. Did you really like hexing her like that?" Florence looked at him as if examining a curious specimen.
Severus was stunned, but kept his face impassive. "I fail to see the relevance to my apology," he finally managed to say.
"There isn't any," agreed Florence. "I just wondered. Especially since you seem to be trying to fix things with Lily."
As usual, he responded to the Ravenclaw's clueless but unaggressive frankness.
"Yes, I did. I have a ... problem ... with that."
"Oh," the girl said. "Well, as long as you understand it is a problem."
Severus fell silent, waiting for her to continue, but after a few moments he realized she wasn't going to say anything else. He got up from the grass. Well, that's done, he thought, time to move on to the next thing.
"Severus?"
He looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.
"I wouldn't mind," she said. "Snogging you, I mean."
He sat back down, close to her this time, a smug look on his face. "Me either," he muttered, reaching for her.
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Remus wasn't angry at Sirius. He was afraid. Dumbledore had driven home that he was as vulnerable as he felt. This time it had been a drunken Sirius and James had saved the day. Who would it be next time? He couldn't face Sirius, because the Gryffindor Black reminded him of what could happen. And he was uncomfortable around James and Peter as well. They weren't likely to give him away in a drunken stupor, but things could happen. People made mistakes. He was torn between his need for his friends, especially now, and his fear of them. Especially now.
Sirius wanted a drink. Very badly. But Remus was already mad at him and he was afraid to. The other boy wouldn't look at him and only spoke to him when absolutely necessary. He didn't notice that the werewolf was acting touchy around James and Peter as well.
Peter saw Remus' unease. The third Marauder had finally realized his condition could be used. Peter filed the fact away for future use.
James saw the Marauders breaking up before his eyes. Remus communicated in monosyllables and Sirius looked like he'd just been sentenced to life in Azkaban. Only Peter seemed unaffected, acting as if everyone were behaving normally.
The four of them were in their dormitory. Instead of laughing over a successful prank, or plotting a new one, everyone was off by himself. Remus was on his bed with the curtains spelled shut, so no one could pull them open, as Sirius had tried before. Sirius was standing at the window, eerily still, staring out at the night sky. Peter was sitting in his bedside chair, reading. And James was sitting crosslegged on his bed, trying to sketch out a trick teacup, but unable to concentrate.
Suddenly Sirius turned from the window, aimed his wand at Remus' bed, and said "Evanesco!" The curtains vanished, revealing Remus in his pyjamas, drawing.
Remus looked up angrily. "Sirius --" he began.
The other boy was distraught. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What can I say? What can I do? I'll do anything, Remus, just tell me what you want!"
"There's nothing you can do, Sirius," said Remus, sadly. "Nothing anyone can do."
James decided it was time to force the issue. "Remus, are you a Marauder or not?"
"Not," the other boy answered. "I'm a werewolf. It's about time I faced up to what that means."
"Suppose you tell us what that means," James demanded, arms folded, the very image of an aristocratic pureblood used to command.
"It means," said Remus, "that anyone who knows what I am can use me as a weapon. That's what it means!"
Sirius looked shocked. Peter hid his pleased expression -- it looked like there would soon be one less Marauder. But James surprised them all with a wide grin. "Now we're getting somewhere!" he announced.
Sirius immediately lit up. He knew what that look meant. Remus knew, too, and he couldn't hide a grin either. Peter sighed. It looked like James had a plan to keep Remus one of the Marauders, but he found he didn't mind. He was sure James would make it worth it.
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There were only a couple of days left before it would be time to leave Hogwarts for the summer and Severus still hadn't managed to talk to Lily. He sat in the Slytherin common room and looked out the window at the view under the lake. She was never in the library, OWLs being over, and outside she was always with her girlfriends. He had stationed himself by the tree, hoping that after his apology to Florence she would seek him out, but had had no luck there either. It was beginning to look like he wouldn't get a chance to make up with her until next term.
He heard a commotion at the door. A first year was trying to come into the room, but someone was trying to keep him from shutting the door. Gryffindor troublemakers! Who else would be reckless enough to cause trouble at the very door to the Slytherin common room? Seeing Snape head for the door, wand out, the first year slipped into the common room, relieved, and left the door open.
"Expelliarmus!" the enforcer said as soon as he reached the door, catching the wand, and only then registering whose it was.
"Lily! What are you doing here?" he said, unable to hide a grin.
She smiled back at him and then grabbed her wand back. "Let's go somewhere less dangerous."
He followed her out of the dungeons to a seventh floor corridor he didn't recognize. She walked back and forth three times, muttering to herself, and then a door appeared in the wall. "In here," she said, pulling him after her.
To his amazement, they were on a grassy lawn next to a tree which appeared to look out over the lake. "Where are we?" he asked.
"The Room of Requirement. I required a private place to talk to you and this is what it came up with."
Severus nodded, approvingly. "Did you come up with the spell yourself? This is really good."
"No," she answered. "It's part of the castle and it works for anyone, as far as I can tell. Remus told me about it, and a house-elf told him. You walk past the blank wall here three times, concentrating on what you need."
"So, spill it," she said, dumping herself unceremoniously on the ground.
"Spill what?" Severus smirked, gracefully lowering himself to the grass next to her.
"Everything! Florence, Rosier, Avery. And what did you do to the Marauders? I've never seen them so quiet."
He filled her in. On everything.
Chapter Twenty Seven: Options
Over the next two days, Dumbledore met separately with Severus and Remus in the sitting area of his office.
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At precisely 10 a.m., he heard a tap on his door. Albus knew his visitor had been waiting outside the door for several minutes, waiting for the clock to strike the hour. He opened it and waved Severus to a seat on the couch across the coffee table from his own overstuffed armchair. The Slytherin sat down, crossed his right leg over his left knee, and put his hands in his lap, leaning forward slightly in an attitude of attention.
"Would you like tea or pumpkin juice?" Albus asked solicitously, acting the host.
"Tea, please," answered the boy politely. The teapot poured him a cup and he took it without adding sugar or milk. The biscuits he ignored.
Albus puttered over his own tea and then took a bite of biscuit.
"Severus, I was very pleased by your actions with Mr. Black at the Whomping Willow. You risked your life to save an enemy."
"Thank you, sir. But it was a calculated risk. I knew what I would be facing." He took a sip of his tea. "Are you going to be able to expel Black? Do you want me to do something that will give you a reason to? It wouldn't be hard."
"No, Severus. I won't do that to him," Albus said. He didn't like the way the boy was thinking, but couldn't say that he was surprised by it.
"But you will endanger the entire school. I fail to understand the trade-off," Severus said softly, with a calculating look in his eyes.
"Mr. Snape, you are out of line to presume that I would endanger this school," the Headmaster said calmly but coolly.
Severus lowered his eyes at the rebuke.
"In fact, your behavior over the past few months has led me to consider whether you are a danger to this school," he continued, pressing his advantage to bring up a subject that had been disturbing him lately.
Severus' face snapped up with a look of outrage he didn't even try to hide. He pressed his thin lips firmly closed, and only years of indoctrination against attacking a superior kept his words from matching his face. "May I know the cause of this ... consideration?" he asked softly.
"There are several things," Dumbledore said. His face was bland, but his tone had a slight edge to it. He was asserting his full rank. "Your vicious hexing of Miss Jorkins. Complaints from patients you attended in the Infirmary -- not from Mr. Lupin, there were others. Your newly invented slashing curse, used on two fellow students, who were, granted, attacking you without provocation. Your falling out with Lily Evans."
"And these things make me as dangerous as a werewolf at the full moon?"
"I do not worry about Remus Lupin or Sirius Black becoming Death Eaters."
"And you worry about me? What makes you think a near Mudblood," he spat out the word, "with a Muggle father would join the Death Eaters?"
"The fact that your patron, Lucius Malfoy, quite probably is one."
"Your information is a little out of date, Headmaster," the Slytherin sneered, leaning back. "Avery dropped me over the attack on Potter and Black, and Rosier picked me up. I may still be put at Malfoy's disposal, but he is no longer my patron."
Albus looked at the boy. "Was that why you attacked Potter and Black? To get Avery to drop you?" He was reminded how much he admired Slytherin scheming.
"No," Severus said, with a faint smile, noticing the Headmaster's approval. "That would have been good, though, wouldn't it? I've been trying to get over to Rosier since he showed interest in me at the end of last year. But Potter and Black -- I'm afraid that was nothing more than a fit of temper."
"Mr. Rosier's father is allied with Abraxas Malfoy. You may still be asked to join the Death Eaters. And if asked, refusal would mean your death."
Severus leaned forward, feeling once more in his element. "The Death Eater connection is with Lucius, not Abraxas. Abraxas doesn't think much of a Dark Lord who uses an assumed name. Lucius, on the other hand, wants to be sure he isn't dependent on his father's networks. I'm sure that was a factor in his joining the Death Eaters."
Severus paused, thinking, then met the Headmaster's eyes and continued. "I don't know what Evan's views are on Lucius. I think he would like to establish himself as an ally on a fairly equal basis. I do know he doesn't think much of the Dark Lord or the Death Eaters. I doubt he would join solely in order to improve his connection with Lucius and I can't see any other reason he would want to."
"Severus, would you keep me informed of anyone you learn has joined the Death Eaters or allied with Voldemort?"
"And in return?" asked Severus.
"If they ever ask you to join, say yes, and then come to me. I can protect you."
"What about my father?"
"Him, too. Anyone you consider to be in danger if you turn Voldemort down."
"Agreed." The Slytherin teenager leaned over the coffee table to clasp hands with the elderly Gryffindor.
They both sat silently for a few minutes, sipping their tea. The Headmaster finished his first biscuit and started on a second.
"Severus, I would like to talk about the violent turn your hexes have taken." said Albus. "With some students, I would understand it, almost expect it, but this is not your usual behavior."
The dark head dropped. "I ... seem to have trouble controlling my temper. I ... get upset much easier. And I ..." He couldn't continue the last thought, letting the words fade away. He was torn between a desire to tell the Headmaster everything and find out what was wrong, and a fear that if he did tell him, he would be expelled and lose the protection he had just negotiated for his father.
"You have started to enjoy causing pain?" prompted Albus gently.
Severus looked up at the older wizard in surprise. "How did you know?" he whispered. "I've told no one."
"Those are the signs of having cast the Cruciatus Curse. Often."
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"Remus, would you like some tea?" Albus offered. At the boy's nod, Albus waved his hand and the teapot poured out two cups, one for each of them. "And please, help yourself to some biscuits. I believe the house-elves have outdone themselves on this batch."
Remus added plenty of sugar to his tea and took a sip. Then he grabbed a chocolate biscuit and held it in his lap, waiting for the Headmaster to explain this meeting.
"The incident with Sirius was unfortunate. We were all very lucky that it didn't turn into a tragedy," Dumbledore began. "But it does bring up an issue that we are going to have to deal with."
"I can be used as a weapon," Remus said flatly. "Against my will and without even knowing about it." Over the last couple of days, he had been replaying what he'd been told of the incident over and over in his mind. Up until that full moon on the last day of OWLs, Remus' worries had all concerned getting loose accidentally and hurting somebody. Now he realized that someone who knew he was a werewolf could use him to hurt people on purpose. And he had been taught this lesson by one of his best mates.
"I am afraid it is even worse than that, Remus," said the Headmaster, shaking his head sadly. "Fenrir Greyback has allied his pack of werewolves with Lord Voldemort."
Remus winced when Dumbledore said Voldemort's name out loud. "I know. At least that's what they're reporting in the Daily Prophet. Do you think he'll try to recruit me? Or just capture me?" He felt sick as he imagined being held somewhere, the full moon almost upon him, with some poor soul locked in with him.
"I doubt Greyback will approach you. He doesn't trust werewolves that he says try to 'pass' as wizards." Albus paused, then continued. "The Death Eaters are another matter. A trained wizard who is also a werewolf could be very useful to them."
"Professor Dumbledore, you know I'd die before I'd join either of them."
"They will threaten your family and your friends. As Greyback threatened your father when you were a small boy."
"Are you saying that -- ?"
"You did not contract lycanthropy through the misfortune of a fellow sufferer whose precautions for the full moon had failed. Greyback threatened your father and he followed through on that threat. And now Greyback is allied with Voldemort."
Remus was beyond being shocked by this. He nodded grimly.
"There's got to be something I can do or you wouldn't be telling me this. So tell me, what do I do?"
"I will set in place measures to protect your family if they are threatened. I will also provide you with a means to contact me. And once you are out of Hogwarts, we will set up a schedule for you to contact me. If I fail to hear from you at the agreed upon times, I will assume you have been captured, and take measures to protect your family and find you."
"Thank you, Headmaster."
"And Remus?" he continued.
The boy met the older wizard's eyes again.
"You know that it will be difficult to make it as a wizard with your condition. If you ever wish to make use of it to help others, there is a task that only you could do."
"What would that be?" asked Remus.
"If someone could infiltrate Greyback's pack, he could provide us with information that could help us turn the werewolves away from Voldemort, maybe even prevent attacks."
"I see," the werewolf answered. When hell freezes over, he thought to himself.
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Severus closed his eyes, and sat back in the chair, his arms on the armrests, his head hanging partly over the back of the chair, baring his neck as if to the guillotine. He sighed. "Would you believe me if I told you I never cast the Cruciatus on a being? Avery never even brought in a pet, although I think eventually he would have worked up to it."
"I am inclined to believe you, Severus. But this is serious enough that I must be sure. Have you heard of Legilimency?"
Severus sat up again and looked at Dumbledore. "Legens means reader and mens is mind. Is it some kind of mind reading?"
"It allows me to sift through your memories and emotions to determine if you are telling the truth."
Severus hissed in a breath through his teeth. He didn't like the sound of that. "What about Veritaserum?" he suggested, amazed that he actually found something worse than the truth potion.
"Ministry guidelines would require me to register the use of the potion, the person to whom it was administered, and the information obtained. Would you prefer that?"
Severus shuddered. "No. I assume there are no such requirements for using Legilimency?"
"There are none."
"And if I agree to neither?"
"You will be expelled from Hogwarts. My offer of protection to you and your father in the event you are approached to join the Death Eaters still stands, regardless."
The two sat in silence as Severus considered his options, eyes cold and empty as he processed the information. Finally, he looked at the Headmaster and said simply, "Legilimency."
"Think of the times you have cast the Cruciatus," instructed Dumbledore. "Now look in my eyes." When the boy's black eyes were fixed on the Headmaster's blue, Dumbledore waved his wand, "Legilimens."
Severus felt the intrusion and immediately fought it. The presence in his mind stilled, but remained, seeming to tell him to relax, not to fight. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths and the presence began to move again. He felt memories and their accompanying emotions being gently pulled to his conscious attention. The first one was his memory of casting the curse on himself, accompanied with disgust at his lack of foresight about a Silencing Charm. Then came the horrible memory of the first time Avery had told him to torture an animal. He felt again the nausea at the animal's struggles. Worse, he identified when the sick feeling had gone away. Then it seemed that Dumbledore was making him relive every time he had cast the curse. He felt shame well up in him as he remembered how he had enjoyed it after that first session, a pleasure that had not faded but grown.
When Dumbledore finally released him, Severus shut his eyes and hid his face in his hands. He was surprised to find his cheeks were wet.
The old wizard moved over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I have verified what you told me," he said quietly. Then, after a silence, he continued. "The damage is great."
Severus lifted his head from his hands and opened his eyes. He was terrified of looking at the Headmaster's face and, especially, at those watery blue eyes, so he gritted his teeth and forced himself to. "What does that mean, sir?"
"You will always have an impulse to hurt others. With proper training, it will lessen, but it will always be there."
"I see," Severus said, face impassive, eyes hollow, voice toneless. Looking at the boy, Albus thought he looked like an Inferius, a dead body animated by some awful magic.
Then he returned to the living. "I'll just have to control it, then," he said grimly, seeming to have aged from a sixteen-year-old to a weary adult in the space of those few moments. "Will you train me?"
"No, son. I shall assign you a number of detentions with Madam Pomfrey. She will teach you methods of dealing with the damage caused by casting the Cruciatus. No one will be told what she's doing."
Severus nodded. His face was completely impassive. The tear stains looked strangely out of place there, as if they had been painted on by an inexperienced artist who didn't really understand his subject.
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Author's Notes:
According to canon, there are strict Ministry guidelines regarding the use of Veritaserum, but they are not described. I made up the guidelines myself.
We have hints from canon on the effects of casting the Cruciatus Curse. The two people who use it most often are sadists -- Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Black. We know that casting the Killing Curse damages the soul -- it would make sense that casting the Cruciatus Curse, another Unforgivable, would also cause damage. And finally, when Harry tries to cast the Cruciatus at Snape in the HBP, Chapter 28, he says "No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter!" He covers his concern by adding "You haven't got the nerve or the ability--", but I think he was trying to protect Harry from the damage caused by casting the curse.
Chapter Twenty Six: Dumbledore
When Remus came to himself in the Shrieking Shack, he realized he had, indeed, spent the night confined there. His arms and chest were gashed and bleeding. And Sirius was, indeed, not there. He lay there trying to work up the strength and the will to move to the couch or at least Summon his wand, but it took him a long time.
It took him so long, in fact, that Remus had only just managed to get his wand and take the restorative draught when Madam Pomfrey walked in, two hours after moonset, as she had done for his first few transformations when he'd first arrived at Hogwarts. He had not made it to the couch, nor had he retrieved his clothes yet. He pulled his knees up to his chest and blushed furiously while the nurse matter-of-factly levitated him to the couch and covered him with a blanket she had brought in her medical bag.
He felt awful and had really missed Sirius, but he wasn't surprised. It was the end of OWLs and he knew the others had been celebrating. He figured James hadn't been able to pull Sirius away and it was just too dangerous for Prongs to accompany the wolf without Padfoot. When Madam Pomfrey wondered why he was so much worse this moon, he just told her it was probably the stress of OWLs or something like that.
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"Headmaster, I promised to keep Lupin's condition a secret so long as he took the necessary precautions and did not allow it to endanger anyone," said the raven-haired boy, who was standing and leaning on the other side of Dumbledore's desk. "Those conditions no longer apply."
"Remus took the necessary precautions," replied the Headmaster serenely. "He reported to Madam Pomfrey at the usual time and was in the Shrieking Shack over an hour before moonrise."
"He told his friends how to get past the Whomping Willow! It was his responsibility to protect that information." Severus' face was impassive except for his eyes, which glared at the Headmaster.
"Have you not told your best friend about Mr. Lupin's condition yourself?" chided the old wizard gently. "Despite your promise to me to keep it secret?"
"Lily is trustworthy. Sirius Black is not," stated the other flatly.
Albus sighed deeply. The young man in front of him was absolutely correct. "So Remus must be expelled? Or worse? Because if news of this incident becomes public knowledge, it is likely that Mr. Lupin will be brought up on charges of endangerment."
Severus sat back down. He was after Black, not Lupin. "Lupin showed poor judgement in trusting Black, but he is otherwise quite responsible," he said, much more calmly. "There is no need to publicize the incident or to expel him. But you must stop keeping his secret. The other students here and their parents have the right to know so they can protect themselves. Against the irresponsibility of Lupin's friends at least."
"That is not possible. If it becomes known that Remus suffers from lycanthropy, I will be forced to expel him."
"No, you won't. You have rank. You're the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. Besides," added Severus, "Lupin has excellent marks, he's a prefect, and he's well-liked. If no one knows about what Black tried to do, every indication is that he has been no danger at all. People won't like it at first, and a lot of parents will threaten to pull their children out of Hogwarts, but when it comes down to it, not many actually will."
"Mr. Snape, you must trust me when I tell you that you greatly underestimate the dread that most witches and wizards have of lycanthropes. You have had a great deal of exposure to Muggle society, and it is my experience that Muggles are much more realistic about the dangers actually posed by the condition."
"My father says a wizard in his right mind is more dangerous to a Muggle than a confined werewolf at the full moon, and no less dangerous even if he runs free," mused the half-blood Slytherin.
"Your father is a very perceptive man. But he's a Muggle. You can see why most wizarding people don't share his beliefs. Mr. Lupin's condition must remain a secret."
"Then you have to expel Black," said Severus quietly but passionately. "You cannot keep Sirius Black and Remus Lupin at Hogwarts together and still keep Lupin's condition secret. It's too dangerous."
"If I can without making this incident known, I will," said the Headmaster. "But I am not optimistic about my chances of success. It will be very difficult to come up with sufficient cause to expel a Black without it."
"Then create one," said the Slytherin enforcer.
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"Sirius wasn't thinking clearly, Professor Dumbledore. He was drunk. Why else would he run into the tunnel?" The boy ruffled his unruly black hair nervously and changed position in the chair the Headmaster had waved him to. "But he wasn't trying to kill Snape."
"Mr. Snape insists that Mr. Black was perfectly sober when the two of you re-emerged from the tunnel," said the Headmaster, looking down at the dishevelled Gryffindor through his half-moon glasses and raising his eyebrows.
"Snape is right. He was -- by then." James sighed and then continued. "Peter made Sober-up Potion for us so we could get drunk, but still be sober when we went back into the castle. We didn't want Filch or anyone else, for that matter, to catch us drunk. When Sirius came back out of the tunnel ahead of us, he must have taken the potion."
"Does Mr. Snape know this?"
"How could he? Even if I told him, he wouldn't believe me."
"That is true, Mr. Potter. Mr. Snape has little reason to believe anything you tell him," the Headmaster said with a calm disapproval that made James blush with shame.
"You told Mr. Snape in the tunnel that Sirius was in no danger," he continued. "If you were not in on this with Mr. Black, how did you know that?"
James swallowed. "We use the tunnel a lot," he answered. "There's a wide spot in it a few feet from the Willow. If you don't know about it, someone can hide there and you'd never see them. When I was running after Snape, I saw Sirius there."
"And what do you use the tunnel for, Mr. Potter?"
"We go up to the Shack and keep Remus company after Madam Pomfrey leaves him at the Whomping Willow," he said, then added hastily, "We always leave way before he transforms." Our human forms, that is, he thought silently. Then, figuring Dumbledore would suspect it anyway, he added, "And we use it for other stuff, too." And James went on to relate "other stuff" worth scores of detentions and hundreds of house points.
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Remus first began to worry when it got to lunchtime and James and Sirius and Peter still hadn't come to see him. Since it was a Saturday, he'd hoped they'd show up earlier, but after all that drinking it really didn't surprise him that they were later than usual. But they'd never failed to visit him after a transformation by lunchtime at the latest, once they'd figured out he was a werewolf back in second year. Except that one time when only Peter had been able to visit, because James and Sirius were in detention.
Of course. All three of them had been caught drinking and were in detention already. They must have really been out of control if they'd gotten disciplined for drinking on the last night of OWLs, he thought to himself, chuckling.
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"Mr. Black, are you aware of the seriousness of the accusations against you?" The Headmaster's voice was calm, but his face was stern.
"I was not trying to kill Snape. He already knew Remus was a werewolf," protested the handsome boy across the desk from him.
"And you were aware of that fact? Be careful with your answer, Mr. Black. Remus will have to corroborate what you say." Dumbledore's blue eyes seemed to bore into Sirius' grey.
"No, I didn't," he answered sullenly, slumping in his chair.
"Then why did you tell Mr. Snape to come in after you?" continued Dumbledore, calmly but inexorably.
"Well, I was drinking and he was going back to the castle to report me. It was all I could think of to stop him." Sirius fidgeted in his chair. His answer sounded lame even to him.
"And what did you think would happen?"
"Ummm." What Sirius had thought at the time was so unbelievably stupid that he was ashamed to say it out loud.
"I'm waiting, Mr. Black," said the old wizard. "And I will know if you are lying." The latter wasn't quite true. Albus wouldn't know unless he used Legilimency, but he highly doubted that it would be necessary.
"After he passed me, I was going to get out of the tunnel and keep the Willow still so he could get out. I figured once Snape heard the werewolf, he'd start running back," he muttered, eyes darting around everywhere but at the Headmaster.
"And you thought he would be able to outrun a werewolf, Mr. Black? And that Remus would not make it out as well?" Albus pressed on, relentlessly.
"I know it was stupid, all right? I was drunk! I wasn't thinking clearly! But I was not trying to kill Snape. Okay?!" Sirius was used to being in trouble, but he was beginning to realize that this was worse than anything he'd ever done before. "And besides, it was his own fault, anyway. What was he doing following me in the first place?"
"Mr. Snape was trying to prevent a drunken encounter with a transformed werewolf," said the Headmaster with words that chilled Sirius to the bone. "He was trying to save your life, Mr. Black."
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This was turning out to be the worst transformation since his first few after he had just started at Hogwarts. Worry had begun to set in when he asked Madam Pomfrey where his friends were and she couldn't meet his eyes. It intensified when she wouldn't send a house-elf to find them. When, by two o'clock, she wouldn't allow him to leave the Infirmary, Remus began to fear the worst.
And now the Headmaster had come in and was sitting by his bedside.
"Remus," the old wizard said kindly, "I'm sure you realize that something went amiss during your transformation this time, so first let me set your mind at ease. You did not harm anyone in any way."
Remus gave a deep sigh of relief and sank back onto the pillows, eyes closed.
Albus waited until the boy sat up again before he continued. "However, someone could very well have been."
This was something Remus had feared since he'd started running outside with the other Marauders, but knowing he had stayed in the Shack last night, he was honestly surprised. "How?" he asked. "I was in the Shack."
"Sirius Black showed Mr. Snape how to get into the tunnel and Mr. Snape did so."
"Sirius did WHAT?!" Remus said, the words starting at a normal pitch and rising to a nearly hysterical yell by the end.
Albus was pleased with the reaction. He had highly doubted that Remus had been in any way involved. "Fortunately," he continued, "Mr. Potter arrived in time to follow him into the tunnel and pull him out. You had already transformed before they made it out, but they did make it out, and the Whomping Willow was active again before you reached that end of the tunnel."
Remus' face went as white as a sheet and he seemed to have stopped breathing. "I was in the tunnel ..." he whispered. "and James ... and Snape ..."
Chapter Twenty Five: Werewolf
Severus decided to get Hagrid and take a trip into the Forbidden Forest to get some ingredients that needed to be harvested during the full moon. As he started to pass the Whomping Willow, he saw a strange sight: Sirius Black, drinking alone.
Remus would be in the Shrieking Shack by now, of course, it being the night of the full moon, but where were Potter and Pettigrew? Could they possibly have left Black to celebrate the end of OWLs alone?
"Hey, Sniv!" Black yelled out, obviously drunk. "I know something you don't know," he added in a singsong tone, like a five-year-old.
"That is hardly likely," Severus answered, wondering why he was even bothering to talk to the drunken Gryffindor.
"But I do, I do!" Black insisted, giggling. "'S'a' secret passage t'Hogsmeade unner th'Whomper. See?" And he reached out with a long stick and pressed a knob on the trunk. The Willow's branches stilled. Black crawled up to the trunk with his bottle and leaned his back against it.
Severus stood there, frozen. He hadn't known exactly how Remus got to the Shrieking Shack every full moon, although he had known it was something to do with the Whomping Willow. It had never occurred to him that he would be so foolhardy as to let someone like Sirius Black know about it. He had to tell Dumbledore. The Slytherin turned around and started back to the castle.
Uh-oh, thought Sirius. Sniv's gonna report me to Dumblydore. Gotta distrac' him.
"Hey!" protested Black. "Where ya goin'? Aren't ya comin', too?"
Sirius slipped into the tunnel and immediately changed into a big black dog. He went down a few paces and pressed himself against a wide spot in the tunnel.
Severus whirled around, just in time to see Black disappear under the Willow. There was no time to get Dumbledore. He rushed to the Willow, but it had come unfrozen and had started flailing around. He picked up the stick Black had used and tried to find where he had prodded the Willow. Shite, he hadn't paid close enough attention. Please God, please ... there! He found the right spot and the Willow stilled. He slid in after Black.
Sirius held his breath as Snape passed him in the tunnel. Wait until Snivellus heard the werewolf. This was going to be fun.
********************************
James, transformed into a stag, with Peter clinging to his neck, watched the Whomping Willow from the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Peter didn't like to be in the Shack for the transformation, so he stayed with James. Sirius still hadn't changed to his dog form, still delaying the Sober-up Potion. Come on, Padfoot, thought James. It's getting late.
James saw a figure make its way from the castle toward the Whomping Willow and heard Sirius' drunken call. It was Snivellus. The Willow blocked Sirius from James' sight and he couldn't make out their exchange, but he noticed the Willow still and Snape turn to go back to the castle. Shite, he was going to turn Sirius in for drinking. But then he saw Snape pause and dash to the Willow. The Willow's branches were flailing again. So, that's all right then. I better get ole Sniv away from the tree before Moony comes out, though.
Then James watched, horror-stricken, as the branches stilled a second time. He galloped to the tree and changed to human form, heedless of whether anyone could see him. The sudden transformation took Peter by surprise and the rat fell to the grass, stunned. The branches were once again flailing, so James poked the knob and slid feet-first into the entrance under the Willow.
"Snape! Stop! Come back!" he screamed.
Sirius barely got out of James' way in time as the other boy rushed past. He was having trouble thinking. Wha's James doin' here?
Severus stopped for a moment in the tunnel. Black was somewhere ahead of him and now Potter was behind him. Of course, if he told Black, he would have told Potter, too! he thought.
"We've got to get Black out of here! He's drunk and Lupin is going to transform any minute now!"
James froze. Snape knew?
"It - it's all right, Sirius is all right," he stuttered. "But we won't be if we don't get out of here right now."
Severus started running again, toward the Shack. "Like hell he is. Lupin's a bloody werewolf and Black's too drunk to protect himself."
"No! Sirius knows! He's okay! Come back!" James' voice was breaking and almost hysterical.
Snape kept going.
Sirius shook himself and suddenly realized how drunk he must be. It had sounded like Snivellus had followed him to save him from Moony. But that couldn't be right because Sniv hated him and he didn't even know Remus was a werewolf. The Gryffindor Black decided to get out of the tunnel, transform back, take his Sober-up, and figure out what to do once his mind was clear.
Desperate, James cast Impedimenta and Snape fell. It gave him time to catch up to the other boy. He cast the counter spell, dragged Snape to his feet and started pulling him back down the tunnel. Then they heard the chilling sound of the werewolf's howl.
Snape finally stopped struggling and they both ran. James scrambled up out of the tunnel, stilled the Whomping Willow and then pulled Snape up. They both sat on the grass, wands trained on the entrance by the Willow, until the Willow began moving again. Soon afterwards, they saw feral amber eyes peer from the entrance, but a branch whomped down hard and the creature backed away.
Severus was white with rage. "Black is in there. You are responsible for his death, Potter!"
A voice behind them said, "Oh, I wouldn't worry, Snivelly. The reports of my death are a bit exaggerated."
The Slytherin whirled around to see Black, not only without a scratch, but apparently not the least bit drunk, either.
"What? How?" he gasped.
At that, Black started laughing. "Oh, Snivellus, you should have seen your face. Did the big bad wolf scare you?"
"So this was a joke?!" James demanded.
Severus took one disgusted look at Potter and Black and headed back to the castle. And Dumbledore.
*******************************
Once Snape was gone, James turned on Sirius. "What the hell were you doing?!" he practically screamed.
"I was drunk. He followed me in," shrugged Sirius. "You've got to admit, it was funny!"
"No, I don't!" James was still furious. "Snape could have been killed. I could have been killed. I can't transform in the tunnel, you know."
"You didn't need to go in after him. I was there to keep Moony away from him if he wasn't fast enough." Sirius was starting to get upset now.
"You! You were drunk out of your skull! Do you really think you could have handled Moony alone, in that shape? It takes both of us when we're sober!"
"Come on, Prongs, don't be mad. You're right, I was drunk." Sirius could take any amount of yelling from family, but he couldn't handle anger from any of the other Marauders.
"No harm done, right?" interjected Peter.
James sighed. "Wrong," he said. "Snivelly's telling Dumbledore. Which means Remus is going to find out. Which means we're going to be in trouble with both of them."
********************************
Dumbledore listened to Snape's story and then called James and Sirius in separately to hear their versions of it. The next day, he again called each of them in to determine what should be done.
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Author's notes:
This story is nominated for the Multifaceted Awards in Alliance and Intelligence. Voting closes on 22 July 2006 if you are interested in voting for it.
http://multifaceted.creative-musings.com/main.htm
Chapter Twenty Four: Moon
Sirius loved roaming about with Remus and the other Marauders in animal form at the full moon. He had just finished his last OWL, so there was no reason to study for the last couple of weeks of the school year. Snivellus had given him a bit of a scare over by the lake the other day, but thinking of his scrawny legs and grey pants exposed for the whole school to see still made him chuckle. Except that his mate was in trouble with Lily now. No, don't think about that. Full moon, no more studying, Snivelly upside down with his legs in the air. That was more like it.
*************************************
Another bloody moon. Tonight.
Remus was pacing in his dormitory. Yes, he was building up a fine case of nerves, just like always. The actual transformation and its aftermath were bad enough -- why did he have to let it screw up the day or two before, too? He concentrated on his breathing, and tried to think of something else, but all he could think about was Snape hanging upside down, Lily yelling at James, and blood on Sirius and James' faces. Not too pleasant.
He pulled his Transfiguration text out of his book bag and tried to study. Concentrating on a difficult subject could usually crowd everything else out of his mind. It was amazing how much revising or homework he could get done in the days before the moon. But no, that wasn't working either. OWLs were finished and there just didn't seem much point to it. In a couple of days, he'd be glad for that, but right now it was just one more thing that left him jittery.
Nothing for it. Time to run. Robe off, shorts and t-shirt on, trainers. He ran down the stairs, one of the few times he was glad the Gryffindor rooms were up so many flights of stairs. He ran as if he were running away from somebody or something, and he was, sort of. He was running from the wolf. From his own jittery nerves.
Faster, faster, he made it down the stairs and out of the castle. Run so fast you can't think, so fast all you can think of is taking the next breath and making the next stride and now, oh that's good, the stitch in your side. For the blessed half hour, much too short, that he could keep going at that pace, he was able to keep his mind blank.
*************************************
James, Sirius and Peter left the dorm to go down to dinner. Remus was nowhere to be seen. They found him when they reached the Great Hall, leaning against the wall in his running clothes and bouncing a leg nervously. This was the only time Remus was actually more hyperactive than Sirius.
"Hey, Moony!" said Sirius, coming up to him and punching him in the shoulder. "I hope you caught her."
"Wha- ," said Remus, confused. Of course, the closer it got to moonrise, the harder it was to think straight. Not from the curse, from the nerves. At this rate, he'd soon have trouble understanding "Hello."
"You know, the girl you were chasing that got you so out of breath," he said, grinning broadly at his own joke.
"Oh, ha!" Remus said sarcastically, but couldn't help a snicker of his own. It didn't matter if Sirius actually said something funny, just the "innocent little me" look in those eyes combined with that wicked, shit-eating grin got them every time. James was guffawing, and Peter was making the quiet, gasping noises that meant he was laughing too hard to make much sound. Good old Sirius. Always good for a laugh. Which was very good right about now.
***************************************
After dinner, in the Gryffindor common room, the fifth years had taken over the area by the fireplace. It appeared that half the boys and some of the girls had managed to acquire an alcoholic beverage of some sort. James had come up with a large punch bowl, into which he was pouring whatever was on offer. Firewhiskey joined butterbeer joined the occasional bottle of wine.
Remus let James ladle out a cupful of the weird concoction and sipped it, surprised that it wasn't half bad. Still, his transformation couldn't be delayed to celebrate OWLs, so he only had time for one drink before he had to report to Madam Pomfrey. Moonrise wasn't for another good two hours, but the routine called for him to report two hours before moonrise. No last minute dashes allowed.
**************************************
Severus finally managed to corner Avery after dinner on the last day of OWLs in the crowded Slytherin common room.
"Avery? Could I have a word?" Snape said, approaching the boy, who was flanked by Black and Crouch.
"Oh, Snape," Avery drawled, pretending to be surprised that Snape was approaching him. "Don't see what you want with me. You seemed quite capable of taking care of yourself the other day."
"I was out of line," Severus forced himself to say. "Do you want me to apologize to Potter and Black?"
Avery was relieved to find Snape still under his control, but he was angry at him for scaring him like that. Might as well make him sweat a bit, first.
"That's an excellent idea, I'm sure, but I don't know why I should care what you do," he said coolly. I'll take him back tomorrow, after he's had a chance to sleep on it, Avery thought maliciously.
Severus stood there, silent. He'd just been dropped, publicly. He felt like he was falling into an abyss...
"Actually, Morgan, I think it would be a rather bad idea myself." Evan Rosier had come up to join the small group. "Not really a good idea to let the Gryffs think it's okay to pick on us Slytherins, is it?"
Avery turned to look at Rosier, stunned. "As I said, Snape will do as he pleases. I'm sure I don't care."
"Really?" Rosier asked, feigning surprise. "I didn't realize Snape was free."
"Well, I don't know how many times I have to say it," Avery said, annoyed. "It's up to him to do what he wants."
"Well, that's good to hear," Rosier said with a wide grin. "Severus, old boy, would you come up to the dormitory? I'd like to discuss a few things with you."
"Yes, Evan," said Severus, carefully keeping his tone from revealing his sense of elation.
Avery stood there, speechless.
**************************************
James saw Remus leave, and glanced at the lunar hand on his watch. Near the two-hour point then. After another hour of celebrating with the other fifth years, he rounded up Sirius and Peter and herded them out of the common room. Once they were outside, he asked Peter, "Got everything?"
"Yup," said Peter. "Bottle of Firewhiskey." He patted a bulge on the right of his robes. "Sober-up potion." He pulled a flask out of his left pocket with his left hand, and lifted it up in a toast. He was the best sneak thief in their little group, and it made him feel important to provide the remedies for their "celebrations."
"Sober-up?" asked Sirius. "What do we need that for?"
"You want to run with Moony tonight, don't you, Padfoot?" said James. At Sirius' nod, he continued, "Well then, we need to be sober. Sorry, no nodding off to sleep in a drunken haze tonight."
"Oh, hell, Prongs, you're no fun. What's the use of getting drunk if you have to go to bed sober?"
"It's just a sacrifice you'll have to make for a fellow Marauder," James intoned in mock seriousness.
"I'll drink to that," said Sirius, and he took a swig from the bottle of Firewhiskey that Peter put in his hand.
*************************************
An hour and a half to moon-rise. It only took half an hour to report to Madam Pomfrey, go with her to the Whomping Willow, and then walk, bent over, the half mile to the Shrieking Shack. Sirius wouldn't be here for another hour at least. It was too boring knocking about a boring old house with boring Remus.
The werewolf paced. An hour and twenty-five minutes to moon-rise, fifty-five minutes to Sirius. Really, he didn't know why he let himself get worked up like this. He had about an hour to relax and daydream or read, if he'd had a book he felt like reading. Then half an hour to kill with Sirius. James couldn't fit through the tunnel to the Shack as a stag and didn't dare come in human form. Peter didn't like to be there for the transformations.
Then about five minutes of pure agony while he transformed.
Then, the grey images of running with the dog and the stag. In his wolf form, he didn't remember their names; he just knew that their smells identified them as friends. Running, interesting smells, the breeze in his fur. He remembered his first transformation, back when he was eight, and how cheated he had felt to have no memory of being a wolf at all. When he ran with the Marauders, he remembered, after a fashion.
Then another five minutes of pure agony while he transformed back.
Sirius would be there, again. Right there, as a dog during the transformation, and as a human when Remus was human again. He would levitate Remus to the bedroom, clean away any blood (not much when Remus ran with the Marauders), and give him the restorative draught that Madam Pomfrey always sent with the werewolf. Then Sirius would sit with him and tell him in great and hilarious detail everything the four of them had done that night. When he felt up to it, he'd get dressed and Sirius would walk back to the Infirmary with him.
It had been much different before Sirius. Then, he would lay on the floor after transforming back, every muscle aching, flashes of pain from gashes and bites. After maybe half an hour, he would feel up to moving as far as the couch, and he would Summon his wand from the high shelf where he put it out of reach of the wolf. Then he would Summon the restorative draught, drink it, and wait for it to take effect. Only then would he finally get dressed, and start the half mile back to Hogwarts, bent over, through the tunnel. Then to the Infirmary, where he could finally collapse again and let someone else clean him and take care of his injuries.
So really, there was nothing to it. Just two five-minute episodes of pure agony. No problem.
He'd often wondered how his transformation pain compared to the Cruciatus Curse. Sometimes he thought idly of asking Snape to give him a demonstration. He knew the Slytherin could do it and performed it often for Avery. It was illegal to use an Unforgivable on a human, but Remus was a werewolf. Lots of people had told him werewolves weren't really human.
***************************
James and Sirius and Peter sat on the grass between the Whomping Willow and the Forbidden Forest, drinking, and celebrating the end of OWLs. James looked at his watch. "Half an hour to moonrise, Padfoot. Time to transform and keep Moony company."
"No hurry. If he doesn't come out of the tunnel right away, I'll go in for him. I'm still celebrating," said Sirius. He didn't like the idea of leaving Remus alone during his transformation, but he was too drunk to think very clearly and he really didn't like the idea of taking the Sober-up Potion.
James looked at him sternly, but Sirius didn't notice the disapproval in his eyes. "Okay. Well, Peter, time for you and me to change, anyway."
****************************
Severus was feeling almost light-headed. He was free of Avery. Evan was even going to claim to have done Lucius a favor by picking Snape up after Avery had dropped him. He didn't need to worry about the Felix Felicis anymore. Maybe he should try to get some anyway. It would be a nice gesture for Rosier.
It was strange to think he wouldn't be torturing any more small woodland creatures. He realized he would miss it, but he also realized that meant something was wrong. Well, now he would have time to figure out what the problem was and how to fix it. Something to do with the Cruciatus Curse?
In the meantime, OWLs were over and he had a decent superior for the first time since first year. He was free to do as he wished this evening. Some, but by no means all, of the fifth year Slytherins were drinking in the common room. Severus picked up the Hesper Starkey book on potions and moon phases that he'd gotten way back in second year and started to flip through it. Tonight's the full moon, he thought. I wonder if there's anything interesting I could start tonight.
*****************************
James and Peter had taken Sober-up and abandoned him with the remaining dose. Sirius was alone with the rest of the Firewhiskey.
*****************************
Ten minutes to moonrise and Sirius still wasn't there. Remus wondered whether that meant they weren't going out running with him and he'd be trapped in the Shack alone again. Maybe Sirius wouldn't be there in the morning after he transformed back, either. He took off his clothes, folded them neatly, and levitated them to the same high shelf that already contained the restorative draught. Then he pulled a chair over to the shelf and stood on it so he could place his wand there too. Sirius wasn't there to levitate it up for him, so he did what he used to do before Sirius would accompany him.
Nothing more to do. Remus curled himself into a ball on the couch. He finally gave into his nerves and began to shudder and shake uncontrollably.
*****************************
Author's notes:
Canon doesn't mention Avery's first name, so I chose "Morgan."
We don't know exactly how old Remus was when he was bitten. I chose eight years old.
Chapter Twenty Three: Memory
When they entered the Great Hall for their Defense Against the Dark Arts written OWL, they were assigned seats. This made Severus somewhat nervous, especially since the table he was assigned was not only not at the back, it was also not at any of the sides, which meant that he had a neighbor on all four sides. Fortunately, none of Potter's gang were anywhere too close.
He got through the OWL with no mishaps. The staff seemed to be well prepared for any interference with the exams, or perhaps Potter and his gang had just decided to concentrate on their own work for once. When Flitwick gave the five minute warning, Severus finished up his last paragraph and put down his quill. He looked around to see what they were all doing. Potter was turned in his seat facing Black, four seats behind him. Lupin looked like he was reviewing his answers. Pettigrew looked liked he wished he knew a way around the anti-cheating spells.
**********
There. That was it for the Defense against the Dark Arts OWL. Lily was sure she'd done well -- Defense was her third best subject, after Potions and Charms.
**********
Remus checked his answers one last time, then put down his quill. He was well satisfied with his work on the test, but then, this was DADA. Tomorrow was Transfiguraton, which was his worst subject. Even at his worst, though, he expected to get at least an Acceptable, although he'd really like to do better.
James was already clowning around with Sirius and Peter was looking slightly sick. Remus felt sorry for the boy -- he was actually good at all his classes, but he always got such a case of nerves that he never tested well. Remus knew that Peter's OWLs wouldn't reflect his actual capabilities.
"Quills down, please!" squeaked Professor Flitwick. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!"
Severus smiled inwardly and Lily giggled as over a hundred rolls of parchment knocked the diminutive Professor down. But that was deceiving. The Slytherin had worked enough with Flitwick on defense spells to know just how good the man was. The professor had even given him some duelling lessons.
***********
Remus rose and joined his friends. It was beautiful out -- it would be nice just to relax outside. He reflected that he was working up to his own case of nerves. The full moon was in just a couple of days.
"Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius.
"Loved it," said Remus briskly. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Remus seriously. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin..."
Everyone laughed but Peter. "I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail," he said anxiously, "but I couldn't think what else --"
"How thick are you, Wormtail?" said James impatiently. "You run round with a werewolf once a month --"
"Keep your voice down," implored Lupin.
****************
Looking around, Lily caught Nan's eye. Nan came over and after they'd gathered Ophelia and Persephone as well, they started toward the door and went outside, right after the Marauders.
Severus rose from his seat, keeping his examination paper in front of his face. He saw Potter meet up with Sirius and faded back to let Lily and her girlfriends get between him and Potter's gang. He followed them outside, a careful distance behind them -- better to have his enemies within sight.
****************
Lily and her friends went down to the lake. Nan sat on a rock, took off her shoes and socks and dangled her feet in the lake. "Brrr, cold!" Lily took off her shoes and socks too and waded in to mid calf, holding up her robes. Ophelia and Persephone sat on the grass.
****************
James stood still a moment to see where the girls would end up and then picked a tree with a good view of them. Remus grinned. He wondered how James was going to try to impress Lily this time.
****************
When Potter's gang had settled beneath a tree, Severus settled himself in the security of a clump of bushes and finally actually looked at the examination questions, thinking of the answers he had written, but keeping an eye on the other boys.
****************
"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake," said Sirius. "I'll be surprised if I don't get Outstanding on it at least."
"Me too," said James. He took out a Snitch and started playing with it.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Nicked it," said James casually.
****************
Ophelia was looking back at a tree up the bank from the lake. "Look, Lily, there's James."
"Let me guess. He's messing up his hair and doing some stupid Quidditch thing," said Lily, without turning.
"Oh, Lil, you're no fun! He's cute and you know he likes you," said Ophelia.
"I'm with Lily," said Persephone. "Who needs Potter? Sirius is the real hunk."
"Look, do you guys ever think about anything but boys?" Lily said, annoyed, but unable to completely suppress a smile. OWLs were almost over and she knew she'd done well.
"Hah! You're just as bad. You just don't have anyone right now, since you threw Yves over."
"Hey, it was coming on OWLs and he made me choose between him and OWLs. No contest!"
*****************
Back at the tree, Remus could tell Sirius was bored and that James' showing off was having no effect on Lily.
"Put that away, will you?" said Sirius finally, as James caught the Snitch again and Peter cheered. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."
Peter blushed, but James grinned.
"If it bothers you," he said, stuffing the Snitch back in his pocket.
"I'm bored," said Sirius. "Wish it was full moon."
"You might," said Lupin darkly from behind his book. As far as Sirius was concerned, full moon was the most exciting time of the month. But he didn't have to deal with the pain of the transformation, or the dread of something going horribly wrong while the four of them were out running free.
"We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me... Here." He held out his book.
"I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all," Sirius snorted.
"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," said James quietly. "Look who it is..."
Sirius turned to look. "Excellent," he said softly. "Snivellus.
Severus stood, stowed the OWL paper in his bag and set off toward the castle, hand on his wand. Suddenly Potter called out, loudly enough to make sure the girls at the lake could hear him, "All right, Snivellus?"
*******************
Over by the lake, Ophelia said, "Uh-oh, Lil, I think your boyfriend's in trouble. The Marauders are on the prowl!"
"He's not my boyfriend!" Lily exclaimed, but looked up just in time to see Snape drop his book bag and pull his wand out. It wasn't fast enough -- James already had his wand out and ready. And he'd finally wised up to the fact that the first spell in any fight ought to be a Shield Spell or a Disarming Spell. "Expelliarmus!" shouted Potter.
Lily started up the bank, then paused. Severus had made it clear that they were no longer friends and he was more than capable of taking care of himself.
********************
Snape's wand just went up twelve feet in the air, and landed on the ground ten feet away. Of course, Potter still hadn't got it quite right. Correctly done, the Disarming Spell should knock the wand into the hands of the caster. Of all the Marauders, Remus was the only one who actually knew how to duel. The others just went on instinct.
Severus dived for his wand, but was stopped by "Impedimenta" from Black.
Remus frowned, but it was just an Expelliarmus and an Impedimenta. And somehow, Snape had gotten meaner lately. And he'd stopped showing up in the Infirmary. It wouldn't hurt him to get a taste of his own medicine.
"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said Potter.
"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Black viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."
Severus struggled against the Impedimenta, but it still held him.
"You -- wait," he said, his black eyes burning into James. "You -- wait ... " Potter and his gang had never attacked him in front of such a crowd before.
"Wait for what?" said Black coolly. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"
Severus let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but could do nothing yet without his wand. Black and Potter were used to the fact that Snape never used any aggressive spell on them. That was going to change.
Remus was surprised by the furious look on Snape's face. Usually, one had to know Snape to tell when he was angry -- it was, or at least it used to be, unusual to see such emotion so clearly on his face. James and Sirius, of course, were delighted at having provoked such a reaction.
"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "Scourgify!"
Pink soap bubbles streamed from Severus' mouth, making him gag. Snape looked like he was choking. Remus kept an eye on him, in case he was actually in danger.
Lily was finished watching. This wasn't a question of helping a friend anymore. Snape was having trouble breathing and she was a prefect.
"Leave him ALONE!" Severus' first thought when he heard Lily's voice was that help had arrived, but then he remembered they were no longer friends. So what was this really about?
All four Marauders turned towards Lily.
Remus put his hand on his wand, momentarily surprised to see that Lily didn't have her wand out. Then he remembered. After the incident with Jorkins, Lily had stopped hanging around with Snape. James had been delighted. "It was about time she realized what he really was," he had said. But it had made Remus uneasy -- one more sign of changes in Snape he didn't understand. James had never been able to tell the difference, but Remus knew Snape hadn't used to be deliberately cruel.
"All right, Evans?" James said. Lily recognized it as the deeper, more mature voice he used for talking his way out of detentions with teachers. Oh, great, now he's flirting with me.
"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?" she said, her dislike clear on her face.
Severus looked from Lily to Potter. Since when did talking with Potter make any difference? Why didn't she have her wand out?
"Well," said James, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."
And the fact that he's outduelled you several times, and used to be a close friend of your crush... , thought Remus, the one Marauder who didn't laugh along with many of the spectators.
Oh, clever, Potter. How witty, thought Severus sarcastically, but he still couldn't talk because of the soapsuds.
Pathetic, thought Lily. "You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
Words!, thought Severus. Time was, you'd have his wand by now.
"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.
If you're quite through discussing your dating schedules... thought Severus, with a grimace, still inching towards his wand.
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius, turning back to Snape. "OY!"
Severus had finally got free of the Impediment Jinx and reached his wand. No shield charm, he was out for blood. Literally. Sectumsempra, he thought, pointing his wand at James' face with a tiny slashing motion. Potter hardly seemed to notice. He would later.
He had left himself open to Potter or Black's next move and was surprised to find it was his own Levicorpus. Stupid, Potter. This is my jinx so I know the counter and I still have my wand.
Many people in the crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James and Peter roared with laughter. Even Lily's furious expression twitched for an instant, as though she was going to smile.
Think this is funny, do you, Evans? thought Severus. She's not actually flirting with Potter, is she?
But before he could get off the counter-jinx, she said, "Let him down!" and Potter did, dumping him on the ground in a tangle. He got to his feet, wand up, but Sirius already had his wand pointed at him, "Locomotor Mortis!"
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" It was Evans again and she had finally drawn her wand.
Remus finally stood up, drawing his own wand.
That took long enough, thought Severus. All talk and no action. That's not Gryffindor and that's not Lily. She is flirting with Potter.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.
"Take the curse off him, then!"
Potter muttered the countercurse and Severus struggled to his feet again.
"There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -- ," James was saying.
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Severus spat. Help would have been actually doing something at the beginning, not flirting with Potter while he was hanging upside down.
"Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." How could he have said something like that to her?
"Apologize to Evans!" Potter roared at him.
"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily shouted. "You're as bad as he is..."
"What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a -- you-know-what!"
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can -- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."
Severus stood trapped, Black's wand pointed at him, but inwardly, he was smiling. That was the Lily Evans he knew.
Lily turned on her heel and hurried away. Severus had called her a Mudblood and Potter had tried to bully her into going out with him. And she'd actually been thinking about it. What was wrong with Severus? What was wrong with her?
"Evans!" James shouted after her. "Hey, EVANS!"
She didn't look back.
"What is it with her?" said James.
"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," said Sirius.
"Right," said James, who looked furious now, "right --" Then he hit Severus with another Levicorpus.
"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" asked James.
The fool had once again left Severus armed, even though he was upside down. Liberacorpus, he thought, and this time, being prepared, he landed in a squat instead of a tangle. Potter's Vanishing Spell flew over his head. Severus sent another silent Sectumsempra to Black and now he also had a slash on his face. Both golden boys were marked.
Before he could do anything else, Potter disarmed Snape with another Expelliarmus, this one bringing Snape's wand to Potter. At the same time, Black tied him up in ropes, with an Incarcerous.
"Any last requests, Snivellus?" said Black, grinning maliciously, pointing his wand at the Slytherin.
Remus decided this had gone far enough; Snape hadn't landed a single hex and now he was disarmed and tied up. Time to call it quits. He walked over to Sirius and James and then gasped as he saw their faces.
"James, Sirius, you're bleeding!" he said. "Look at your faces!"
Sirius conjured a mirror and looked at his face, handing it to James, who did the same. They both cast simple healing charms on the cuts, but the gashes did not close up, or stop bleeding.
At this, Lupin jabbed his wand in Snape's chest. "What did you do, Snape? What did you hit them with? Why aren't the cuts closing?"
"It's a little curse of my own. The cuts will close in a little while with no harm done, just a little scarring."
"You bloody bastard," shouted Sirius, suddenly contemplating a scarred face. James was deathly silent, contemplating the same thing.
"Be quiet, Sirius!" Remus said. "OK, Snape, it's your curse. So what's the counter-curse? To prevent scarring?"
"Are you asking me to perform it? Because I'm not going to teach it to you."
"Fine, then perform it yourself."
Snape stood there, silent and smirking, waiting.
Remus suddenly realized they'd have to set him free and looked over at James and Sirius.
James released Snape from the ropes and then growled to Remus, "Give him his bloody wand back."
Remus threw Snape his wand, as if he were trying to hit the Slytherin with it.
"There's just one condition," said Severus. "It's been fun so far, but I'm getting rather annoyed with being attacked 'just for existing', as you so eloquently put it, Potter. I must insist that you promise not to make any more unprovoked attacks on me."
Silence. Severus stood there waiting.
"We won't make any more unprovoked attacks on you," muttered James. "I promise."
"You too, Black."
"Me either," said Black.
"Say it," insisted Snape.
"No more unprovoked attacks on Snivellus," he growled. "I promise."
There were some nervous giggles from the crowd at the nickname and Severus frowned, but decided to accept it.
He went first to Potter and traced his wand over the gash, muttering an incantation that sounded almost like song. Then he pronounced a gentle cleansing spell that he had learned from Madam Pomfrey. James' face was clean, showing no sign of the cut. Then he went to Black and repeated the procedure.
Without another word, he turned his back on the Marauders and went over to where he had flung down his bag. He swung it over his shoulder and went up to the Castle and his dormitory.
***************
Severus knew he was in trouble. If Avery had been upset about a few harmless hexes on a half-blood, he'd be furious about slashing curses on two pure-bloods. In front of a large audience. If he had already managed to transfer to Rosier, he didn't think Evan would mind that much. But now, for all he knew, he'd just made that transfer more difficult. The last thing Rosier would want was a fight with Avery, which indirectly meant challenging Lucius himself. And he hadn't even come up with a way to get the Felix yet.
Violently, he threw himself down on his stomach on his bed and buried his head in his arms. A very large audience. Potter had exposed him in front of the whole school, not once but twice, using his own spell. Embarrassment warred with rage to make his face flush.
Why was he reacting like this? He was used to being humiliated, first by Black and company inside Slytherin and then by Potter's gang outside. He'd always taken it matter-of-factly before, just part of being low-blood and working class and poor. He had never expected life to be fair. It was Avery he needed to be thinking about now. Avery and Rosier and getting his hands on some Felix Felicis.
*********************************
Avery was terrified. He had watched the whole thing with amusement until he realized what Snape had done. Attacked two pure-bloods. Drawn blood. After he'd just been called to task over hexing Jorkins. What was he going to do? For the time being, he ignored Snape while he considered what his next move should be.
*********************************
Author's notes:
All of the dialogue up to and including "Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" is directly from OotP except for the dialogue between Lily and her girlfriends.
I made up the names for Lily's girlfriends and they have no significance whatsoever. Have I mentioned before that I don't like coming up with names?
Chapter Twenty Two: Changes
"Severus, I was not pleased to hear about what you did to Jorkins."
Avery had been unsettled to hear about Snape's vicious hexing of the half-blood Slytherin, just for intruding on a snogging session. He counted on Snape's unquestioning compliance. It scared him to think that he might not be able to regain it if it were lost.
"She was intruding." Severus kept his face and tone polite, but he was still rankled about the whole incident.
Avery was even more uncomfortable. He had expected an immediate apology, not an excuse. His growing feeling of being out of control made him want to strike out.
"She is almost a pure-blood, Snape. You were completely out of line," he snarled.
Severus dropped his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, in the same polite, emotionless tone.
"You will apologize to her, publicly, at dinner in the Great Hall tomorrow night. I'll tell you when."
Severus kept his eyes down and it took every ounce of his self control to keep the anger from his voice. "Yes, sir."
Avery was relieved. He had been afraid that Snape would argue, or refuse, and he wasn't quite sure what he would have done if that had happened. Now for a display of magnanimity, he thought.
"Well, that's settled, then. How about moving on to more pleasant things?" he said, waving to the animal in the cage. This time, it was a rabbit.
Severus looked up. There was an unpleasant smile on his face.
*******************************
It was Friday night, and the Marauders were celebrating in their dormitory. Lily had finally broken off her friendship with Snivellus. And it had been just icing on the cake to witness his public apology to Jorkins at dinner that night.
"To Bertha Jorkins!" toasted James, lifting his glass of Firewhiskey. Peter had managed to procure a bottle somehow during their last Hogsmeade weekend and James had smuggled it in under his Invisibility Cloak.
"Here, here," said Sirius. "Never thought I'd find something to toast about that obnoxious gossip."
"You don't need a reason, Siri, you'll drink to anyone," teased Remus.
"That's a dirty lie!" retorted Sirius. "I'd never drink to Snivvie ... or Reggie ... or Mum ... or -"
"Enough, enough," laughed Remus, and refilled the other boy's glass, as well as his own and James'. Peter's glass was still half full.
"To Peter and his hangover potions!" said Sirius. "We are sure going to need some tomorrow!"
They all drank to that.
************************
After witnessing Snape's public apology to Jorkins, Evan decided it was time to make his move.
He called Snape into the fifth year boys' dormitory. He was in the armchair and the other boy had pulled up his straight-backed bedside chair.
"Sev, I want you to work for me instead of Lucius," the pure-blood boy was saying.
"Agreed," the other Slytherin answered. "But how do we do it? I don't want my loyalty called into question."
"I'll talk to Lucius during the next Hogsmeade weekend and ask for you. I'll promise to put you at his disposal if necessary, but insist that you report to me rather than Avery."
"What are you going to offer him?"
"A vial of Felix Felicis."
Severus whistled through his teeth. "That's hard to get."
"I know. I haven't got any yet. That's what you're going to do."
"I can't. It takes six months to brew and I'd have to fuss over it too much. I couldn't count on always being there when I needed to for each step."
"I didn't mean you were going to brew it. I meant you were going to steal it for me. Word has it that Slughorn has some in his stores."
"You couldn't just buy it?"
"Not without going through my father. It's a restricted substance. Father has enough pull that he could get the necessary permissions, but he wouldn't approve of this. He's Malfoy's creature all the way - the father, not the son. And he doesn't think much of you either."
"OK, I'll think of something. Will you want to know the details?"
"No. Just give me an idea of when I can expect it, once you've got everything worked out. So I know when to bring it up to Lucius. Anything else we need to discuss, Sev?"
Severus shook his head.
"Send in Yaxley, then, would you?"
Severus nodded and left the dormitory.
***************************
Severus discovered that he was never safe, except when he was in the Slytherin common room or dormitory. His possessions were reasonably safe, with the wards he had placed on them. At least, they could not be stolen or "modified" without his being aware of it. But he could not place wards on himself, only on objects, so he was subject to the myriad hexes and jinxes Potter's gang saw fit to throw his way on a regular basis.
A Shield Charm was enough to block anything they threw at him, but he couldn't go around constantly invoking Protego, so a certain percentage got through. At least, the Headmaster had apparently told Filch and the rest of the staff that Severus was allowed to use the Shield Charm in the corridors. Once, when Filch had come across Potter's gang trying to hex Snape, who had thrown up a shield, he took in the other four boys but just told the Slytherin to get out of there.
Still, Severus was getting twitchy.
Chapter Twenty One: Florence
Sometime in February, James, Sirius and Peter managed the Animagus transformation. At first, Peter had resented the inevitable teasing of James and Sirius of his rat form. But then, it had become clear to all of them how useful it was for sneaking around and spying on others.
*********************************
Florence Anderson was a Ravenclaw. Severus would much have preferred a Slytherin girl, whom he could have approached in the safety of the Slytherin common room, or at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. But it had become crystal clear that no Slytherin female would associate with someone of lower blood, and he was still at the bottom of the scale as far as that was concerned. As it was, he would either have to approach the Ravenclaw in public, with all the implications for public humiliation, or somehow get her alone, and risk a Marauder attack.
Severus had Arithmancy with Anderson. Unfortunately, it was not a class that ever required teaming up, and the students were all at separate desks, rather than sharing tables. Still, the first step was to at least sit at a desk closer to the girl. He got to class early, and chose the desk to the right of where Florence sat. When the usual occupant of the desk, another Ravenclaw girl, came in, she saw the Slytherin and walked over.
"What are you doing?" she asked, in genuine confusion.
Severus glared at her. "I'm sitting here now. You sit over there." He waved over to where he used to sit. She went over to the other desk, still puzzled.
Florence came and started over to her desk, then paused. Maggie was in the wrong place. But everyone else who sat near her was right, so she continued over and sat down.
Severus was pleased. He started talking to her during class about their homework and other Arithmancy related topics.
***********************************
After several class periods of this, Severus decided it was time to move to the next step. "Meet me in the library by the Restricted Section at three p.m.," he told her during one Arithmancy class. She nodded in agreement.
***********************************
Severus was in the library by 2:30 p.m. to stake his claim to the private table he wanted. The couple already snogging there gave him a dirty look, but didn't dare refuse to leave. Now he just had to hope none of Potter's gang showed up.
Florence came in to the library at about 3:15 p.m. and went back to where the restricted area started. She hadn't realized that Severus had chosen an isolated section of the library, never having paid attention to such matters before.
"Are you going to hex me?" she asked him curiously, as she went over to the table.
"Why? For being late?" the Slytherin asked, surprised. He knew the Ravenclaw wasn't known for her timeliness, and had planned accordingly.
"No. Because they told me that's what you do," she answered matter-of-factly.
"Not in this case," he said with a smirk. "Sit down." He indicated the chair next to him.
She sat down, and had barely laid her books on the table when he turned to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. There was nothing shy or tentative about the kiss, and he reached out his tongue to touch her lips. She didn't open them, but she didn't pull away either. Then he broke off, leaned back, and looked at her.
"You're not very good at that," she noted, as if they were discussing an Arithmancy problem.
"No doubt," he responded. "I've never kissed a girl before. But you're supposed to be pretty good at it."
She grinned. "I like kissing," she agreed, and leaned over to Severus. It was quite some time before they got to their Arithmancy homework.
***********************************
After that, they both looked for opportunities to snog. It was still winter, so the grounds and the Astronomy tower were too cold, but they took advantage of the library, empty classrooms, and quiet corridors. Florence noted that other boys had started avoiding her, but she didn't mind. Severus was enough. He'd been an adept learner.
**********************************
It was unseasonably warm for a March afternoon. Florence had just finished Care of Magical Creatures, and Severus had just finished Herbology. He waited for her by the greenhouse after the others had left.
Bertha Jorkins hid behind a bush, and watched Snape and Anderson snogging. It wasn't the first time she'd spied on a snogging couple, or on this couple in particular. She considered herself nearly pure-blood, and disdained the attentions of anyone less pure-blood than she was. Unfortunately, the other Slytherin boys didn't have the same view of her ancestry as she did.
"Severus," Florence said, after they broke their kiss.
"Mmm hmmm," said Severus, face flushed, eyes lazy.
"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" she asked.
"What? Of course not," he murmured. "Everyone knows you're my girlfriend." They damn well better. He'd made it quite clear that no other boy was to go near her.
"Then why don't we ever do anything together in Hogsmeade?" she asked.
He gave a heavy sigh. He had no money for Hogsmeade weekends; he was selling books from the Prince library, as it was for ingredients for his father's potions.
"I'm sorry," he said. "How about the next Hogsmeade weekend? What do you want to do?" That would give him two weeks to come up with the money somehow.
Then Severus saw a movement in the bushes out of the corner of his eye. He stepped back from Florence and drew his wand. It was inevitable Potter's gang would try to mess this up eventually.
Bertha saw that her cover was blown, and stood up. So what? she thought. I'm not doing anything wrong.
Florence looked at her with curiosity. Severus was angry and relieved at the same time. "Get out of here," he said in a soft but dangerous voice.
Bertha missed the danger in his voice and thought he was just embarrassed at being caught. "Why? So I won't see you getting dirty with your Mudblood girlfriend?" she taunted. She was quite pleased with her clever wordplay on dirt and mud.
When Severus was finished hexing her, she had boils, green skin and was throwing up slugs. And he was wearing a very pleased, malicious grin.
Florence found the look on his face disconcerting. "That was a bit ... extreme ... wasn't it, Severus?" She got out her wand, "Finit -." But Severus grabbed her wand hand before she could finish.
"Why don't we let Madam Pomfrey take care of it? I'm sure Jorkins is capable of getting herself to the Infirmary." He smirked as the hexed girl coughed up another slug.
Florence jerked her hand back and finished the spell. The boils were gone, but Bertha's skin was still green and she was still coughing up slugs.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" the Ravenclaw said, as if she were observing the unexpected results of an experiment.
Severus frowned, then his face turned impassive. He said nothing.
Florence helped Bertha up and walked with her up to the Infirmary.
**********************************
Florence met Severus at the usual time and the usual place in the library the next day. Instead of sitting next to him, she sat across from him.
"Severus, you don't need to worry about taking me anywhere on the next Hogsmeade weekend," she said calmly, as if she were doing him a favor.
"Look," he said, "I know I went a bit overboard with Bertha yesterday, but she deserved it."
"Maybe, maybe not," Florence answered, as if considering the possibility. "But that's not exactly the problem. You enjoyed it too much."
Severus said nothing for a moment. She's throwing me over, he thought.
"You know, you can be a bit embarrassing. I was thinking of moving on to someone else anyway."
"Oh, good!" said Florence, her face brightening up. "Does that mean you won't hex me or any other boys I go out with?"
Severus scowled. If he'd had any reason to believe she was anything but totally sincere, he would have hexed her right then and there, even though they were in the library.
"I'm dumping you," he sneered. "Why should I care who picks up my leavings?"
Finally, he saw a flicker of hurt cross her face and he curled his lip. She sighed heavily, picked up her books, and left.
*************************************
It had been a while since he'd met Lily by the tree, or anywhere else. He had been spending most of his spare time with Florence, and Lily had also usually seemed otherwise occupied.
She stomped toward him, with a scowl on her face, and cast Muffliato. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"
He sneered down at her. Their height difference was not as much as it had been. His growth spurt had ended, and it looked like he wasn't going to be particularly tall, although he would certainly not be short. She, on the other hand, had just gotten hers.
"What are you talking about, Evans?"
She couldn't believe the look on his face. "Don't look at me like that! I'm not your enemy, you know."
He composed his face to blankness. "Sorry. But I still don't know what you're talking about."
"What you did to Florence. I found out what you told her."
"It was the truth. She'll snog anything male with a pulse."
Lily slapped him. "You hypocrite!"
He drew his wand, and turned it on her.
"What're you going to do, Severus, hex me?" she sneered.
He lowered his wand. "Lily?"
But she was still furious. "You've got to apologize to Florence."
"I can't do that!"
"Well, maybe you'd better learn," the fiery redhead answered. "Until you do, maybe we don't need to see each other anymore."
"As you wish," he said coolly. "I believe I was here first, Evans."
She looked at him in amazement, her mouth open, but his face and his stance did not change. She closed her mouth and walked back toward the castle.
Chapter Twenty: Cruciatus
That summer, Lucius Malfoy took the Dark Mark. From then on, everyone in or allied to Lucius' patronage network stopped using the name Voldemort, and called him the "Dark Lord" instead. Rodolphus Lestrange and his wife, Bellatrix, were also rewarded with the Mark for bringing Malfoy in.
Now that Lord Voldemort had gotten his hands on the Malfoy fortune, he began to set more of his plans in motion. The Daily Prophet stopped using his name and started referring to him as "You-Know-Who."
**********************************
It was his fifth year, and once again, Severus dreaded leaving home and dreaded going to Hogwarts. Last year when he had left, it had been the last time he had seen his mother alive. And this time, he had no illusions whatsoever about what it would be like under Avery.
He had also made potions for the Apothecary over the summer, as his mum had done. This was now the only Wizarding money the Snapes had, and Severus used it for potions ingredients for his father's medicines. The money from the sale of the house was reserved for his Hogwarts tuition and expenses. His formal robe was three inches too short in length and in the sleeves, but he was damned if he'd spend a single Knut on it. If Malfoy cared what he looked like at The Party, he could bloody well spring for the robe or the alterations himself. He didn't, of course.
**********************
Now that Damocles had left Hogwarts, Severus spoke with no one but Lily Evans and Evan Rosier. And sometimes, once a month, in the Infirmary, with Remus Lupin.
****************
Severus entered the seventh year boys' dorm. Avery sat in an armchair by the wall. A square cage containing a squirrel sat on a small round table on his left.
"Welcome, Severus," Avery said, and waved him to a straight backed chair.
Severus sat, and waited for Avery to speak.
"You haven't been quite honest with me," the pure-blood chided.
Severus remained calm, and patiently waited for Avery to continue. There were quite a few things this could refer to, and he wasn't about to blurt anything out into Avery's obvious attempt to entrap him.
"You've been telling me you hadn't mastered the Cruciatus yet," Avery finally continued, his tone still gently chiding, but his eyes gone hard.
So that was it. He knew Avery would eventually hear of his little sojourn in the Infirmary. He had long ago prepared a lie for this situation.
"Forgive me. You know my perfectionism. I do not believe I have mastered the curse, but perhaps I am proficient enough for your purposes."
"Ahh, yes, you are quite the perfectionist," Avery said. His eyes were still hard, telling Severus he wasn't buying it, but that he was willing to let it pass. "Let's see how proficient you are, then." He waved at the squirrel.
Severus brought up a picture of Regulus Black, remembering how he had burned his research. It had taken him weeks to reconstruct it. He pointed his wand at the squirrel. Crucio!
The squirrel gave out an unearthly scream, and then began shaking so violently that the cage moved on the small table. Severus fought back nausea.
Avery smiled broadly. "Quite proficient enough," he said approvingly. "Again!"
Five times Severus pulled up the will to torture the helpless creature, until it no longer moved at all. Each time became easier, until by the fifth time, he no longer felt sick.
Finally, Avery dismissed him, and Severus returned to his books in the common room. Everyone went suddenly silent as he entered, and he realized that there had been no Silencing Charm on the dormitory. They must all have heard the squirrel's screams. He felt a not unpleasant thrill at realizing that he had crossed some line, and they were all afraid of him.
After that, the Cruciatus became a common part of his meetings with Avery. Although from then on, they used a Silencing Charm.
**************************
Severus was sitting alone at a table in the corner of the Three Broomsticks. It was a Hogsmeade weekend in late November, and the place was full of students from Hogwarts, so he had had to clear some third years from the table first. All it had taken was a glare, and a soft "I believe this is my table," and the three boys had practically tripped over themselves to get out of his way.
Now he sat with his hand on the single mug of butterbeer he had allowed himself to spend money on, leaning his chair on two legs back against the wall, his legs straight out in front of him under the table. He let his eyes roam around the room, coming back to the door every time someone came in or left. He smiled to himself as he saw people turn their heads away from his casual gaze.
The Slytherin had been intimidating from his first day of school, and by his fifth year only the Marauders still stood up to him. Up until now, he had seen it as a necessary part of the role he had fallen into with the powers that be, sometimes useful, often an annoyance. Now, he was beginning to enjoy the feeling of power it gave him.
Lily came in with a gaggle of girls. She hadn't seen Severus except for Slug Club meetings since the beginning of the year, and she hardly seemed to talk to him even then. They weren't avoiding each other -- Lily had gotten caught up in the social whirl, and found herself popular with the boys. Severus, on the other hand, seemed always to be at Avery's side. And then it had gotten too cold to go walking about the grounds and leaning against trees. Seeing Severus alone, with Avery nowhere in sight, Lily thought it might be a good time to catch up.
She promised the other girls to meet up with them at Honeydukes and went over to the Slytherin's table. She turned a chair around, and straddled it, resting her head on her arms on the back of the chair. "Long time, no see," she said glibly.
Severus raised his hand to flag the waitress, and she came over. Lily ordered a butterbeer, then considered her companion. There had been an arrogance about the gesture that she associated more with James Potter or Sirius Black than the Slytherin enforcer.
"So, working on any love potions lately?" she asked.
Severus smirked. "Avery is quite happy with Jones, and isn't inclined to share my skills with anyone else. Speaking of which, I was surprised to see you here. I figured you'd be over at Puddifoot's with your latest admirer."
Lily blushed. "I'm meeting Liam there at three. And how about you? Anybody catch your fancy?" she teased.
This was normally good for a barely perceptible blush from him, since he felt awkward around girls, but instead, he just regarded her thoughtfully. "Florence Anderson, Ravenclaw, I think. Not this weekend, but I think I want her. She's pretty enough, smart, and Muggle-born. She's also supposed to be a good snog."
Lily laughed. This was more like her Severus. "How romantic! It sounds like you're specifying potions ingredients, not thinking about a girlfriend."
"Precisely," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly in amusement. "Girlfriends are much more complicated and much more likely to go wrong than a potion. Hence the importance of specifying one's requirements carefully."
They continued to talk, while Lily sipped her butterbeer. Then she got up, and left to meet her girlfriends at Honeydukes. A few minutes later, Severus also got up and left. He forgot to feel the thrill of intimidation as he walked back to Hogwarts.
***********************
Remus gritted his teeth while Snape applied the modified Murtlap Essence to his post transformation wounds after the January moon. Back in November, he could tell that Snape was less careful than usual, and it had only gotten worse month by month.
Severus watched Lupin's face out of the corner of his eye. He saw the tension and the grimace, and knew that he was hurting the other boy. He liked the feeling it gave him.
"Careful, Snape!" Remus finally called out. "Are you trying to hurt me?"
Severus started curling his upper lip in a sneer, and almost answered, "Of course I am." But then his face went blank to cover the confusion it caused to consciously admit this to himself. What was he thinking? Lupin was neither an enemy nor a target!
Remus saw the beginning of the sneer, and felt the same fear he had felt the very first time the Slytherin had helped him in the Infirmary after a transformation.
Severus said nothing, but picked up the salve again. This time, he worked with his usual care, but now he was fully conscious of a pull not to be careful, a desire to see Lupin's gritted teeth and feel that sense of power. When he was finished, he checked out with Madam Pomfrey, and returned to his dormitory. It was some time before he returned to the Infirmary again.
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Author's note:
I just made up Liam as one of Lily's boyfriends, and gave the infamous Florence the last name of Anderson and the house of Ravenclaw.
Chapter Nineteen: Loyalties
During the next Hogsmeade meeting with Lucius at the Three Broomsticks, Severus confirmed that Malfoy's attitude toward love potions, and even Unforgivables (used on animals, of course) was as he had conjectured when he had talked to Lily. Lucius had been coolly polite when he offered Snape the obligatory condolences on the loss of his mother.
Avery also paid his respects to Lucius that weekend, and assured him that he was solidly in Malfoy's camp. Malfoy's only scruples were that Snape should not be forced to put himself in danger of being expelled, a condition to which Avery readily agreed. As an aside, Lucius also preferred that Snape be kept away from pure-bloods, a sop he was willing to throw to Regulus now that Black was no longer in power at Hogwarts. No need to burn any bridges unless it was absolutely necessary.
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James was now completely smitten with the Muggle-born redhead. Her Muggle background made her exotic to the boy, who had been raised in pure-blood affluence with almost no contact with Muggles. And she had stood up to him. This was quite different from the way most other people, especially girls, treated him. Since her "no" really meant "no", he daydreamed about what it would mean if he could ever get her to "yes."
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The Marauders were alone in the fourth year boys' dormitory in Gryffindor tower. Now, more than ever, James was obsessed with getting Snape. Not only was he a greasy Slytherin git who attacked innocent people on orders, and sometimes out of malice, as when he had attacked Remus, he was also his rival for Lily's attention. And he couldn't believe the relationship was completely platonic. It certainly wouldn't be if he were that close to Evans.
"Right," said James to the other three. "What are we going to do about Snivellus?"
Sirius still burned when he thought of being tied up by Snape yet again. And somehow he blamed the boy for his "low-blood" blurt, which had turned the other three on him temporarily, and gotten James' crush, Evans, mad at them. He didn't quite understand why everyone had gotten so upset with him. "Low-blood" wasn't a foul name, like "Mudblood." "I don't know, but let's think of something good. I've got a score to settle with that git," he said.
"You know I'm in," said Peter. He was riding high, having been the only one to have landed a hex on Snivellus in the altercation, and what a lovely one it had been, too. Snivellus, puking slugs.
"Remus, you're not saying anything," said James. The werewolf had been a willing participant in the robe prank last year, and had even been responsible for the proliferation of the name "Snivellus", which the Slytherin git could no longer always ignore. But even towards the end of last year, he seemed to have become strangely reticent when it came to Snape.
"He didn't actually do anything this time," the boy answered. "You can't exactly blame him for defending himself (and Lily, he added silently to himself) against our attack. And he used only defensive spells."
Peter looked at Remus with a frown. He was always trying to ruin their fun, especially when it came to Snivellus. The other boy, whose presence had led to his demotion to "fourth" Marauder, clearly did not hate the Slytherin, and Peter guessed that they were even friends. He'd nosed about and found out about the exchange in front of Belby where Remus had shaken hands and said they were even. And he knew they talked when Snivellus helped in the Infirmary after the werewolf's Transformation.
"James, I think you should back off," said Peter with mock solicitude. "We wouldn't want to make Remus attack his friend."
"Just because I don't hate him like you do," said Remus, indicating the other three boys, "doesn't mean we're friends. I don't like what he does any more than the rest of you."
Remus supposed that what he had said was true enough. He didn't figure the Slytherin considered him a friend, and he didn't like what Snape did. But he still felt like a traitor to both Snape and the Marauders. He would have liked Severus to be his friend.
Sirius didn't like any kind of strife among his friends. "Oh, come on," he said. "Cut him some slack. Remus likes everyone. If anyone could see some saving grace to old Snivellus, he would. Just don't expect us to see it too," he added to Remus, with a barking laugh.
"OK," said James. "But you won't give us away to Snape, will you?"
James and Sirius took the flushed, horrified expression on Remus' face for a "no." Peter, more shrewdly, read it as a sign of the boy's conflict of loyalties. But James and Sirius had closed the subject. He filed it away to be used another time.
They finished making their plans, and then it was time to go down for lunch. "You go on ahead," James said to Sirius and Peter, at the same time motioning Remus to remain behind.
"What's wrong," James asked when the others had left. "Snape's found out about you, hasn't he?"
Remus was dumbstruck by the question. James took that as a "yes."
"The git's made leaving him alone a condition of keeping your secret, hasn't he?"
"No, he hasn't," Remus answered immediately, and followed it with, "and of course he doesn't know. He thinks I have Lunar Fever." Remus surprised even himself with how quickly and easily he came up with the lie. But then, he'd been lying to people about his lycanthropy since he was a little boy. It was second nature by now.
"Lunar Fever?" asked James. "I've never heard of that."
Remus shrugged. "Neither had I. Snivellus has, though." He was counting on James to not try to find out more about the fictitious ailment that he had made up on the spot. It wasn't as if James liked to do research, or was likely to ask Snape about it.
James fell for it. "All right, I'll back off. Sirius is right, you do like everybody. And besides, I owe you."
"What for?" asked the other boy.
"Keeping me from hexing Evans. Like you said, I really don't think it would have helped," he said with a snicker.
Remus chuckled, and followed his friend out of the dormitory to the Great Hall for lunch. He wondered briefly why he had felt the need to hide from James the fact that Snape knew he was a werewolf, and had promised Dumbledore to keep it a secret. Then he dismissed the thought for consideration some other time. When in doubt, it was always better to hide anything related to his lycanthropy.
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It had turned out that Jones did fancy Avery, so Severus gave Avery a vial of highly watered down rosewater to spike her tea. As a result, or so Avery thought, she had accepted his invitation to Madame Puddifoots, and if things hadn't gone as far as he might have wanted, still they were satisfactory enough. When Severus got hints that his potion might be requested for other people, he told them the potion was keyed to work only for Avery and Jones, but if they wanted to wait another couple of months, he was sure he could brew up another one for other specific pairs.
And so it went with Avery's other "requests." Simple hexes and jinxes Severus continued to perform as always, although Avery was not excessive or unreasonable in that area. It was his "private" requests that usually caused the problems. Severus learned to deflect Avery to something less damaging when he could, and trick him into thinking he was getting what he wanted when he couldn't. If neither tactic worked, Severus would work out some way with Lily for him to get caught (but not by Lily, of course) before too much harm could be done. So far, one of the three methods had always worked.
Publicly, the fallout was as he expected. He had settled into a routine with the Marauders, who were the unofficial chastisers of the Slytherin, with most of the other students being content by now to stand back and leave it to them. Most of the time, his interaction with the Marauders consisted of name-calling, and petty sabatoge of schoolwork or potions. And whenever Severus was with Lily, he was off limits.
But whenever he was alone, and not too close to other people, no holds were barred, and he usually ended up paying a visit to Madam Pomfrey to reverse or wait out the effects of the latest Marauder attack. Not only was he outnumbered three to one (Lupin always managed to be singularly ineffective, although he never stopped the others), but his hands were still tied concerning Potter and Black. He was still not allowed to use anything other than purely defensive spells against the two pure-bloods.
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I should have used a Silencing Charm on the room, thought Severus. I had no idea I'd scream like that.
A Hufflepuff had passed the empty classroom where Severus had been practicing some of his more dubious magic, when he heard the Slytherin scream. He had burst in and found Snape, now quiet, but shaking uncontrollably. He looked up and down the corridors, expecting to see one of the Marauders, although judging from the Slytherin's condition, this seemed a bit much even for them. The seventh year had the presence of mind to use a levitation charm to move him, rather than attempt to grab him himself, and brought him to the Infirmary.
Madam Pomfrey recognized the symptoms at once, gave Severus a potion, and told a house-elf to bring the Headmaster there immediately.
"Someone has used the Cruciatus Curse on that boy," she told the Headmaster angrily, when he arrived.
Albus could tell by the look on Poppy's face that the diagnosis was beyond question, and it was deeply disturbing. He worried about the brilliant, ambitious boy, especially under Avery now, but he had felt that as long as he remained friends with Lily Evans, he couldn't be pulled too far astray. But this? Had Severus refused Avery something and been punished?
"Severus, how are you feeling?" asked Dumbledore kindly, sitting in the chair next to the boy's bed.
"I'm fine. I was just trying ... something ... and it went wrong."
"Severus, I can not allow you to cover for whoever did this to you," the Headmaster said gravely. "I am prepared to use Veritaserum, or enter your mind, to get the answer. Madam Pomfrey and I both recognize the after effects of the Cruciatus Curse."
There was a tense silence, as Severus tried to figure out how to answer. He had been caught, pure and simple.
Finally he said, "It was me. I'm teaching it to myself, and before I tried it out on any animals, I chose a subject who could tell me how I was doing. Myself. And 'myself' thinks I've pretty much got it," he added arrogantly.
Albus gently entered the boy's mind to verify the boy's story, although his instincts already told him it was true.
"Severus, look at me," the old wizard said. "You have friends. Lily Evans, Evan Rosier, Damocles Belby. Even, in his own way, Remus Lupin. You are not trapped."
The boy stared at him silently. This was not what he had expected the Headmaster to say.
"And Severus, don't ever use that curse again. Not even on an animal. Not even on yourself."
The boy inclined his head in seeming agreement, but Albus noticed that he had not actually said anything out loud.
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Severus was studying in the Slytherin common room. Black and Crouch occasionally scowled at him, but since Avery had taken over, they were no longer allowed to harass him. For the first time since his first year, he could sit in the common room with some expectation of getting something done. In fact, he actually played the occasional game of chess with Belby or Rosier.
Evan came up to Severus. "Sev, could I have a word?" he ordered politely.
Severus rose, merely inclining his head and saying nothing. As his reputation had grown, Rosier had started to become more distant to him.
He followed the pure-blood up to the fourth year boys' dormitory, noticing that Rosier had evidently cleared it. Evan moved his straight backed bedside chair to the wall without any beds, and transfigured it into a more comfortable armchair. "Why don't you pull up a chair?" he told the other boy, who brought his own bedside chair over without transfiguring it, and sat down.
"Potter's gang gives you quite a bit of trouble, don't they?" Evan began.
"Someone's got to punish me for my sins," the other boy answered sarcastically.
"Or for Avery's," said Evan.
Severus shrugged his shoulders and said nothing, showing no reaction on his face.
"I've always respected you, Sev. You do what you have to, and no more than is necessary. Not like Carrow or Jugson. Even with Lupin. Everyone in Slytherin, at least, knows Black set you up to take the fall on that."
At that, Severus let himself smirk. "Somebody should tell the bloody Gryffindors, then."
Rosier chuckled softly, and went silent for a moment. Severus waited patiently for him to continue.
"I know you want to make something of yourself. But I always thought you had limits. Some of what you're doing for Avery isn't right."
Severus considered what to say. He had a sinking feeling he was about to lose Rosier's support. "I would prefer not to answer to him," he said carefully.
"I'm glad to hear that, at least," Rosier said. He paused, and then continued. "I looked through the book Avery gave you."
"He wants me to learn the Cruciatus Curse. And the Killing Curse. For use on animals," said Severus.
"And how are you coming on that, Severus?" asked Evan coolly. He hardly ever used Snape's full first name, and it sounded jarring coming from him.
"I've gotten quite good at killing flies," the other boy deadpanned. "If you need someone for pest control, I'm your man."
"I see," said Rosier, refusing to let himself show amusement at Snape's wry humor. "And the other? Made any progress there?"
"Why do you want to know, Rosier?" Severus answered quietly. "Yes, I've made progress, and I'm prepared to Crucio a cat or two if the alternative is Knight Bus ticket boy for the rest of my life."
Evan felt a chill run down his spine at the other boy's calm, emotionless words. "Ice man," some called him.
Severus saw Rosier shudder. That did it. I've lost him, he thought with a wrench, although his face remained impassive.
"Then we'll just have to make sure you have other alternatives," said Rosier. "Okay?" And he reached out his hand to the other boy.
Severus's eyes widened, and his mouth parted slightly, in shock. Then he grabbed the other boy's hand like a drowning man and answered fiercely, "Yes!"
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Author's Notes
Carrow and Jugson were two of the Death Eaters in the Astronomy Tower in HBP.
Actually, I got that partly wrong. Carrow was one of the Death Eaters in the Astronomy Tower in HBP; Jugson was a Death Eater involved in the MoM battle.
Chapter Eighteen: Lily
Lily Evans was being shunned. The other Gryffindors, who up until then had barely tolerated her friendship with a Slytherin and an enforcer to boot, had made it very clear after the incident with Lupin that the only appropriate Gryffindor attitude towards Snape was revulsion. Ironically enough, only the werewolf himself was an exception to this rule. He had told her toward the end of the last school year that he figured the Marauder's prank had made them even, and he didn't believe in holding a grudge. Of course, she also imagined it was hard to remain angry for too long at the boy, who had found out his secret and agreed to keep it, voluntarily.
For all of the preaching by Dumbledore and Slughorn on the importance of unity and friendship between the houses, they sure make it hard enough, thought Lily. The common room for each House was password protected against members of other Houses. At meals in the Great Hall, no one ever sat at the table of a House not their own. In classes, you only partnered with a member of another House if the numbers weren't even, and even then you were just as likely to triple up rather than end up with someone from another House. That left just one place indoors where the Houses sometimes mixed -- the Library -- and you weren't supposed to talk there. When the weather wasn't too bad, you could mix and talk with other House members outside, but that was it. Anything else, especially inside, involved walking the corridors or finding empty classrooms. Empty classrooms. That had other connotations, like "studying" at the top of the Astronomy Tower.
It was a cold November day, so she pulled on a heavy cloak over her robes, and went outside.
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James couldn't figure Evans out. Snape was supposed to be persona non grata to everyone in Gryffindor House, but she was still associating with him.
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As he waited for Lily to meet him at the tree, Severus kept running through the options in his head. His mum's death had delayed but not stopped the potion making. It was wrong to drug the Ravenclaw into Avery's bed, even if opposing Avery meant he might have to give up his career prospects after Hogwarts. Still, he got an empty feeling inside when he thought of spending his life at some menial occupation, in or outside the Wizarding world. It wasn't like the Ravenclaw would actually be hurt, was it? Then again, considering Avery, maybe she would be. Suddenly, totally unprovoked fur-growing hexes sounded so easy, almost nice.
"How are you doing, Severus?" Lily asked with careful concern, interrupting his train of thought as she approached the tree.
"Well enough," he said, confused. What was she talking about? He hadn't told her anything yet.
She sensed his confusion. "I mean about your mum," she added gently.
His mum. He had cried and raged and ranted at Spinner's End, alone and with his father. There was still a raw place in his heart where she had been ripped from him, which ached when he let himself think of her. But he did not often allow himself that luxury. Most of the time, he had more pressing issues to deal with.
"I have something more important to talk about," he told her.
Lily looked at him with amazement and no small amount of disgust. What could be more important? She had thought he loved his mum.
Severus looked at the Gryffindor's face, her feelings showing transparently as always, and stopped. Why was she mad at him?
"Go on," she said coolly, proud of her self-control. "I'd like to hear what's more important than your mum."
Severus narrowed his eyes at her. "You presume too much," he said softly. He was making up his mind not to talk to her after all, and his face began to take on the impassive look, with the hint of disdain, that he showed most of Hogwarts except for a few Slytherins. And occasionally one or two Gryffindors.
Lily saw the barriers going up and panicked. "Severus, wait a minute. Okay, you do care about your mum and just don't want to talk about her right now. Damn it, you don't make it easy when I can never see what you're feeling, and I'm always an open book to you."
"That's ... fair ... I guess," he said slowly, trying to make sense of what she had said. "What I have to tell you, it's hard. I don't know what to do."
"Then just say it, and I promise I'll try not to bite your head off," she said, with a wry smile.
His mouth twisted in a wry smile as well, as he took a steadying breath. "I'm going to hold you to that, Evans," he said, cast a Muffliato, and then plunged on. "I'm brewing a love potion in the fourth year Slytherin boys' dorm."
"Really, Severus, if you want a kiss, all you have to do is ask," Lily said with a completely straight face, and after a moment of shocked silence, the tension broke as Lily chuckled and Severus choked out a laugh.
"So who does Regulus want it for?" Lily asked, when she thought Severus was ready to go on.
"Avery isn't listening to Black," he answered. "I never thought I'd say it, but I might actually be better off if he were. It's Avery himself who wants it. He fancies Godiva Jones."
"And Malfoy thinks?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure he'd care. Jones is a low-blood like me. For all I know, he'd think it was capital fun."
"You know, Severus, I'm having trouble seeing what you're getting out of this arrangement. Every time you actually need something, he either can't or won't do anything."
"I've noticed that myself," the boy answered grimly. "Still, the sorts of things he can do for me once I'm out of here," he said, making a broad sweep of his arm to indicate Hogwarts, "shouldn't be too hard for him. But what do I do in the meantime?"
"I suppose you've already ruled out just saying no?"
"No, I haven't, actually. But I'd like to consider all my other alternatives first," he answered. "Do you know if Jones actually fancies Avery?"
"No, but she's not a Gryffindor, so I might actually be able to find out. The Ravenclaws still talk to me sometimes. What if she does fancy him?"
Severus winced at Lily's matter-of-fact reference to her shunning by Gryffindor. Because of him.
"Well, it would be like Avery to not even approach her unless he was certain of the outcome. If she actually fancied him anyway, then it wouldn't hurt if Avery thought whatever happened was the result of my potion. And if it doesn't go quite as far as he hoped, well, he knows I don't know how to brew the really powerful stuff yet."
"Okay, then what if I find out she doesn't fancy him?" Lily asked.
They spent the next hour or so going over all the different options and possible outcomes, ending up sitting on the cold ground at the foot of the tree, on which Severus had cast a Warming Charm.
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They were sitting like that when James, Sirius, Remus and Peter came up the path towards them, on their way back from watching James at Quidditch practice. At least, Sirius had watched and even joined in a coup